Being like a dog

I've just read (in a Christmas magazine, don't judge me, it takes time to get round to these things) an article about a book that tells you how to be more like your dog in order to be happy.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dog. I've recently changed my Twitter profile picture for one which shows my three dogs (two sadly no longer with us), because I love dogs. Christmas Secrets By The Sea (my most recent novel, go and follow the link, I'll wait) revolves largely around two dogs, a whippet and...well, Brian. But I've never thought for one moment that being more dog-like would bring me any happiness or delight other than that occasioned by growling over biscuits (I do that already, seriously, don't walk too close when I'm eating a HobNob, you could lose a finger).

But, having had a look at that article, and then looking at my dog...

Approach with caution...

... I think that there may be a few things I can learn from her for inward happiness.

1 Bark at the Hoover.

Honestly, this livens up housework no end. You don't have to actually bark, but yelling abuse at the general household mess, dust, bits on the carpet or life in general, whilst the sound of your shouting is drowned out by the drone of the vacuum (and occasional whine when you suck up bits of rug/sofa cover/dog's bed) is very therapeutic. Singing also works, but I prefer shouting.

2  Don't Pay Bills.

Well, it's very easy to be happy when you're a dog and you don't have to worry about the overdue Council Tax or the electricity usage, isn't it? So, while I'm not advocating never paying your bills, because that's a short step toward total stress and hiding behind the sofa when there's a knock on the door, paying bills by Direct Debit, so you never need to see them, helps a lot.

3. Chase People You Don't Like.

My dog is very good at this. In fact, sometimes she chases people she does like. Also cats, balls, rabbits, pheasants, all other birds, deer...anyway. She's a terrier, it's what she's meant for. She's moderately obedient (terrier, so that's not very) and always comes back, and rarely disembowels that which she chases (which is reassuring for the postman). But she doesn't like people in her personal space, which, unfortunately extends to somewhere just short of the moon, but anyway. She's not polite about it, there's no 'oh you we must go for a drink sometime' mealy-mouthed sociability, it's just teeth-first across a field. I think there's a lesson there for all of us - don't waste time on people you don't really want to be with. Just don't bite them.

4. Know How to Snuggle.

In fact, learn how to relax in general. If you haven't yet discovered the delights of wrapping yourself in a fleece, lighting the fire and settling back with a large plate of cake to watch TV or read a good book, then you should. Forget all those other things you are meant to be doing (like writing a book or unblocking the toilet) because dogs don't sit at the window constantly waiting for a cat to bark at. They have perfected the art of appearing to be completely and deeply asleep, wrapped in a blanket in front of the fire. They can sense a cat in the garden, and will leap up from their apparent coma in full 'bark mode' causing you to spill your tea. Don't do this. Just do the 'lying down in front of the fire wrapped in a blanket' bit.

3. Sit On The Table Waiting For Something To Happen.

This one is a little bit harder. You don't have to actually sit on the table, of course, unless you want to, have pants on, and the table is both sturdy and covered in washable fabric. But that quivering excitement that a dog cultivates when it knows that either someone is coming to visit (see number 3, above) or it's nearly time for a walk is something that humans should also cultivate. Get yourself excited about things! Have some sense of anticipation! If you don't, then find something to get excited about (possibly not a walk or the postman, but, you know, whatever floats your boat). Looking forward to things gives you a lovely little tingle, and I should think it's the same for dogs.

So go. Be more like a dog. Just don't come back with a pheasant in your mouth and don't fight that dog at Number Nine...

Tiggy, Dylan and Teal. Be More Dog.

NB - the book the article in Prima was from is 100 Ways to be as happy as your dog, by Celia Haddon. Just in the interests of fairness.