What I did on Other People's Holidays, and a touch of the Sisterhood....

Oh look, you're back again.  And this week, I'm afraid, I have nothing much to report at all, I'm afraid.  For this week I had 'Visitors', because this is what qualifies as a holiday for me and my vast and slightly effulgent household - providing a holiday destination for others, in this case,my brother and his two female offspring.  No doubt if I ran, say, a bed and breakfast establishment, this would be the holiday-equivalent of my spending a fortnight in Southern Portugal, followed by a week's fact-finding mission to Canada, but, as it was, it was only my family and only for three days, so the equivalent of a long weekend on the Isle of Wight. 

So, this week has contained

Yes, meercats are very cute...

This...

There is little in life more downtrodden-looking than a moist Golden Eagle, even if he has been watered for his own cooling purposes.

And a large amount of this..

Members of my family, ranked according to liking for Cheese and Onion Crisps.  What?  Doesn't everyone rank their families in such order? How do you decide where to stand otherwise?

 

 

All in all a lot of fun was had, sights were seen and we even had a faux-barbeque, on account of not actually possessing an actual barbeque, but everything was fine and food was eaten and stuff, so that was all right.

And in other news, I've been tagged as part of this...

by Anita Davison.  Apparently it's a way of getting women bloggers to spread the word about one another, or something like that.  We're supposed to tag about a million other women bloggers (why do I keep writing the word 'bloogers'? I don't even know what a blooger is, and I'm not sure I'd want to meet one, even if I did) but I seriously don't know that many people.  Truly. My social circle is about the size of a Polo.  So I'm tagging a few of the new members of the Choc Lit team, because I know you'll want to get to know them better, and this seems a good way of getting that to happen.  So, for your delectation, here are:-

Alison May
Rhoda Baxter
Janet Gover
Jules Wake

I know that's not millions and I know that it's not even a tiny slice of the number of gorgeous and talented and fabulous women writing for, or about to write for, Choc Lit, but these are people I know won't hit me. And at least one owes me a cake, so... you know... just pop over to their blogs, take a look. You might like them. I do.

Send help, my head is empty.

I have a bit of a problem here.

I'm blogging a bit later than usual because I've been writing.  Like a loon, actually, although I have to confess I'm not sure how a loon would write, or, indeed what a loon is.  Some sort of animal, I'm presuming, which would mean trying to type with paws... Or is a bird?  Because that only complicates matters; birds don't have much at their disposal to make typing easy, or even possible, although I suppose they could use their beaks and sort of peck at the keyboard, but this would be slow and frustrating, always supposing birds are capable of frustration.  Anyway.  That's how I've been writing.

And I've run out of words.  Yep, completely.  Just poured them all down on the paper, splurge splurge splurge, with a sound like a walrus attempting to get out of a jelly bath.  That was the noise the ideas made as they hit the page, I hasten to add, I wasn't sitting here doing impersonations or anything. And, in consequence, I only have three words left sitting in my head, unrequired by my current work in progress.  These are, in no particular order, mast, rhinoceros, and Englebert Humperdink.  I know that Englebert Humperdink is two words, but since they are a name, which is the name of one person, I'm counting them as one.

This leaves me at a bit of a loss.  How on earth am I supposed to construct a blog around those three words (or four, if you're being pedantic or don't know who Englebert Humperdink is)?  Even if it were possible, what kind of blog post would it be?  I mean, I ask you, I don't sail, I'm not a big game hunter, and I have no interest in whatever it is that Englebert Humperdink might be up to these days! So these are the three (four) most useless words to have left in my vocabulary, added to which I still have to finish the book on which all my other words have been used...

So, in a year or so's time, if you pick up a book by me and read through its lovingly handcrafted pages (all the time wondering what that squelching sound could be), and then, upon reaching the denouement, you find that the final page contains only the words mast rhinoceros and Englebert Humperdink, please feel free to flip back to this blog post and pity me.

Even kittens aren't going to get me out of this one.

Well, it was worth a try....

FINALLY - a blog post with some writing stuff in it! A piece of Advice! Writing is just kittens, all the way down...

Last week I was v v busy, in a 'totally non-busy' kind of way, going to the pictures to watch The Cornetto Trilogy being top of the list, driving support for my lovely workmates who were running in The Race for Life, visiting my gorgeous grandson and his equally lovely parents - that sort of thing. You know, where you're not actually doing useful stuff, but are having a great time anyway.

And, as part of that, I found myself offering Advice on Writing. And it struck me, I haven't done an Advice post on writing things for ages! I think the last one I did mostly offered 'eat biscuits' as a valuable tip, with a possible sideline of 'stroke kittens'.

Well, who wouldn't?

So, since I find myself once more desperately short of anything much to blog about (other than - I feel contractually obligated to mention, the fact that my short story 'The Curious Incident of the Cat in the Night Time is in this month's Your Cat magazine...
And an interview with me is this month's 'Autograph' feature in the High Summer edition of Living North. Yep, I made it into a Lifestyle Magazine!  Me! I don't even know what a 'lifestyle' is! And I'm not sure I could afford one anyway! But there I am.) you're getting A Piece of Writing Advice. So there.

Okay, so you've written A Thing. You think it might be a novel, probably romance, because that's all I'm at all qualified to talk about, what do you do next?  Good question...

 Put it away. Honestly, somewhere you can't see it, or think about it. I recommend a drawer in a public room (ie not your bedroom, unless that is a public space, I'm not judging you here, just saying...). If it's somewhere other people are, it will prevent you from doing the 'I'll just take a sneaky peak..' thing. Because they will shout at you, and possibly throw things, but that might just be my house.  Leave it there for - and I cannot stress this too much - at least six weeks.  I know, I know, you're desperate to just check whether that phrase you thought was so brilliant is still brilliant, but trust me on this. At least six weeks. You need this long to get some objectivity.  During the six weeks, write something else.

No, honestly, just keep trusting me. Something else. Short story, or start another novel.

Right, the six weeks is up.  Carefully remove your manuscript from the Public Drawer. Take it somewhere private, and read it, with a pencil in your hand. You can clamp it between your teeth if some of your phrases make you want to scream, if you must, but generally use the pencil to make notes.  Immediately. If something strikes you as you read, note it down.  Read as though you were reading a book you'd just taken out of the library (only, obviously, you wouldn't make notes on that, even in pencil, would you?  WOULD YOU?). Then, you can go back to the computer/typewriter/block of stone and make your changes. And, because you've started something else and, in those six weeks you are probably quite a long way in to your 'new thing', you'll find that you can read your 'old thing' with half your mind saying "well, it's not bad. Not terrible, anyway, but the new thing, ah, that's so much better..." and hence get a bit of perspective.  Like...umm...like the new kitten is always so cute, and so sweet, and the old cat, yes, he's lovely too, and cuddly and adorable and everything but...the new one is just...really really adorable.

Yes, it all comes down to kittens, in the end.  Writing - it's just kittens, all the way down...

Oh, and by the way... you might find this useful.  It's a link to the American site Dear Author. Every Saturday they do something called 'First Page', where people send in the first page of their manuscripts for critique by the community. I'm not so much suggesting you do this (they do have an immense number of things to read and you might have to wait until your book is actually published before they 'do' you), but read the comments. Read what other people have to say about style, about format and content. You may be able to relate some of it to your own writing. Or, alternatively, you may be able to indulge in some pleasant Schadenfreude... 

Oh look, it's been way too long since we had a picture of kittens...

There. Do you feel advised?  If not, I'd just go back and look at the pictures of kittens again...